How To Win Your Breakup
(and Take Back Your Life)
Anyone that’s ever been through a breakup could tell you how heart wrenching they can be, but I think that the worst part is feeling like you’re the only one going through it even though there were two people in your relationship. It’s so hard not to pick up the phone and check in on the person you once shared your life with, it’s hard getting through every day pretending that everything is okay when you feel like everything is falling apart, and it’s really hard to feel like the other person doesn’t even care and maybe never did at all. (don’t let your brain trick you into believing that, it’s not true)
I can tell you, it doesn’t matter how your breakup ended, who ended it, or even if it’s the best thing for both of you, breakups are hard for everyone. Did you know that your brain actually goes through physical changes when you have bonded with someone? That means that both people are going to go through some sort of withdrawals. That doesn’t mean that you should get back together or that the other person wants to, it just means that it is going to take some time for your body to adjust to the changes.
Whether a relationship is ending mutually, hurtfully, or with anger, the feelings that surface can feel unbearable, but there are definitely ways to soften the blow while you are adjusting to your new normal.
If you want to win your breakup, here’s how:
- Know That You Are Not Alone-The first thing you should realize is that you’re not alone in your feelings. It is impossible to go through a major life change and not be impacted by it. You can stop wondering if your ex misses you. They may appear to look like they are just fine and moving on easily, but they are definitely going to have their moments when you pop into their head and they miss you, it would be impossible not to.
- Start Putting Yourself First-You are now single and it is time to start thinking about you! I know that there isn’t an automatic shutoff button that you can push for you to just stop thinking about your ex, but it’s time to put your attention towards thinking about what you want, what you need, and how you want to move forward.
- Stop Blaming, Start Forgiving, and Learn Something-Your breakup ended for a reason and you can either go in circles about who screwed up and why it failed or you can choose to find the lesson. If your ex screwed up, it’s all the more reason to be at peace with letting them go. If you screwed up, then forgive yourself and figure out how you want to do things differently moving forward. This is your chance to grow and become better prepared for future relationships. You may not be able to change what happened, but you can decide how you want to move forward and that can be really empowering. If you need to forgive your ex for something, do it when you’re ready, but the sooner you can forgive, the sooner you will be able to start moving on.
- Go No Contact-Unless you and your ex have decided to be friends, rip the bandaid off and stop looking at their social media, stop contacting them, and stop staring at your phone waiting for them to call or text. If you do plan on being friends in the future, that’s totally fine, but you still need to take your space until the sting of the breakup wears off. Do yourself that service and go no contact until you’re back on your feet and our breakup doesn’t hurt so much. Keeping an ex too close while you’re trying to get over them isn’t going to be beneficial for you, it usually just makes it harder to move on because it is a constant reminder of what you’re trying to let go of. Every time you talk is only going to stir up old feelings, it’s best to distance yourself.
- Figure Out What You Need-What is it that you need right now? Is it to be alone, is it to surround yourself with people, is it to bring more fun into your life, is it to focus on your health, is it to cry it out, is it to get clear about what you want your future to look like…? Figure out what it is that you need and then go after it. If you don’t know how, then ask for help. My small weekly challenges are a great way to get things moving if you don’t know where to start.
- Be Kind To Yourself-Breakups can be an intense time of questioning your worth and doubting yourself so it is extra important to give yourself positive reinforcement. The words you are telling yourself are going to directly affect how you feel, so if you don’t like how you’re feeling, it’s time to start changing the conversation. Positive affirmations are a great way to start shifting your mindset when you feel like negativity is taking over.
- Take Ownership of Your Life-There are a couple of ways to look at your life. You can choose to look at your life like things are happening to you (which will leave you feeling powerless) or you can choose to believe that things are happening for you. When you choose to believe that things are happening for you, it’s a lot easier to trust the process and realize that you get to choose how you spend your time, where you put your energy, and that when something doesn’t work out, it’s only because something better is waiting for you. Start making the choices that are going to get you to where you want to go, you have more power than you realize. If you’re not quite sure where to begin, my workbook, “Bounce Back From Your Breakup” will give you a complete step by step guide on how to move forward in an empowered way.
- Make Happiness Be Your Goal-If you focus on your happiness, you will find ways to get you there. Take it on as a challenge that you can’t lose. Losing someone in your life is incredibly painful and it will take some time to fully recover from that loss; it is so important that you take that time to grieve, but as you’re going through that process, it’s also important to look for the good in your life too. Talk about the things that make you happy, take note of the things that you’re thankful for, listen to happy music, and start creating a bucket list of all of the fun things you want to do now that you’re single. You have an awesome future waiting for you, but it is going to be really hard to see if you keep looking backward.
- Know That Your Breakup Isn’t a Competition-When you’re feeling like a loaded emotional gun that could fire at any second, it’s easy to want to see the other person hurting, hope that they want you back, and pray that they come to their senses and realize what a great thing they lost. It is completely normal to feel that way, but your ex feeling like complete crap isn’t going to be what builds you a happy future, it just means two people feel awful. It might feel good for a minute, but once that passes, what are you going to do to make your life better? Take your ex out of the equation and make your breakup be the catalyst that launches you into something greater.
If you want to win your breakup, then it isn’t about beating the other person, it is about becoming the absolute best version of yourself. It’s about finding your happiness again, surrounding yourself with people that make you feel good, getting to know yourself better, being selfish for a bit, exploring your emotions, trying new things, creating the future that you want, and knowing that when the time is right, you will find someone that would be thrilled to join you in your new adventures. If you want to win your breakup, the best way is to let go of your loss. If you have no idea how to let go, checkout “How To Get Over a Breakup and Forget Your Ex”. If you don’t want to go through your breakup alone, book a complimentary consultation and see if my Breakup Reset coaching program is right for you. I would love to help you win your breakup!